Just a list

          As mentioned in a previous post, I love lists! Thus, whenever I'm in need of a sense of direction or a how-to in accomplishing something, I go back to creating a list. January has kind of been a flop. But, being Chinese and all, I decided to start over February with prep work starting now. Here's a more detailed list of specific things I want to do that will make me happy. I intend to do them all and thus, as my blog title suggests, begin true adventures of atypicalJaneDoe.

Things to do:

-Continue to blog

-Do some arts and craft projects

-Experiment with cooking stuff

-Read more books of interest

-Take new dance classes

-Create dance routines

-Thai Massage workshop

-Take a bartender workshop
-Attempt to become a model

-Yoga Certification

-Pilates Certification

-Random Certifications

          I've been failing to do exactly what I want to and I've said that the point of this blog is to document my failures but...I intend to at least succeed in attempting. By that I mean that I intend to make attempts with each thing listed above. Wish me luck and I'm open for suggestions so throw some my way! I hope you are doing well and finding your path.

So much love,
atypicalJaneDoe. 

 

What is it that you truly desire?

Figuring out the answer to this question took a lot longer than I anticipated. I mean, I really should have known better than to attempt to tackle a question like this as a new blogger. Since my last post, two weeks ago, I think I have figured out my answer(s) to this question. Behold-my answer is as follow:

           My first response to this question is that I want world peace. I know, it sounds so tacky, but I'm completely sincere when I say I desire world peace. However, I’m not saying this because I’m trying to be a beauty queen; I’m saying it because it’s a great ideal. Picture Utopia: a place with no wars, no cruelty, only kindness. Why wouldn’t I desire world peace? Simply, I wish people could have more compassion for one another. But, that desire is on a very grand scale and it is not something I wake up thinking about each morning. Truthfully, I don’t think I can do much. At least I cannot do enough to the extent that I desire. But my first response to this question was that, so I thought it should be noted.

           

            After a few other silly thoughts (I want to be a superhero! I want to be a superstar! I want to conquer the world!),I've decided it is time to snap back to reality. So, I rephrased the question to-What is it that I truly desire and that it is possible for me to achieve it in this lifetime? With that rephrased question, a few answers emerged. 

1. I want to be successful and happy.
2. I desire to make a positive difference in the world; I want to make an impact and leave my mark on this place called Earth.
3. I crave an outlet to express myself genuinely, wholesomely. 
4. I want to be a do-er, a person that takes action.
5. Lastly, I want to be so ridiculously honest with myself and other people. I don't want to be so proper and polite because I feel like I get taken advantage of and misinterpreted by others and I don't like it one bit.

         Yet, observing my list, I stumbled upon another problem. None of my answers provide direction. It is so easy to say "I want this, I want that." But, it is difficult to figure out how. How will I become successful and happy? How will I make an impact? How should I express myself? How am I going to take action? The answer: I don't know.

         And, going with the 5th answer on my list-here's the complete truth. I am so confused, frustrated, scared, and lost. I want so much in life and I have no idea how to do it. I know the core of what I want, but the complete picture is a bit hazy. Hence I started this blog. This blog serves as a place for me to express myself, a place for me to make attempts at figuring out what I'm meant for in life, a place for atypicalJaneDoe to thrive. So, I guess...what I truly desire is to never lose the will to keep pushing forward towards what I desire. It sounds really repetitive, and it is, but I think that is it. I hope you were able to figure out what you truly desire as well and go from there.

So much love,
atypicalJaneDoe. 

Doing Nothing

          As a New Yorker, the thought of idly doing nothing is offensive. Why would anyone want to waste precious time? As the saying goes, time is money and, money matters. Money equates with success. The more productively you spend your time, the faster you can achieve your goals. Perhaps that’s why I’m always in a rush. It is the sense of urgency. I don’t always know what I need to do but I always feel the need to do something; the sense of urgency plagues me. However, following my resolution to do what makes me happy, this week I did absolutely nothing.

          The truth is though most of us have this urgency to do something, sometimes doing nothing is important too; sometimes that’s exactly what we need, what we want. We are constantly moving and rushing, but what are we rushing towards? It is an exhausting process and currently, I just want to stay still and lounge. I’m grateful that I am able to do just that the past week. Here’s a brief summary of what I did this past week:

1/1- A sleep-in day after an all-nighter New Year’s Eve party; I must have slept for 20+hours.

1/2- Dentist visit; library visit; and good food with good company.
1/3- Catching up with long-lost friends over Korean BBQ; book reading.

1/4- Marathon of childhood TV series that I use to watch; online games; continue reading books.
1/5- Work; more TV series marathon.

Though seemingly uneventful, the past week makes me happy. The uneventful week allows me to submerge myself in idleness and, in my idle state I feel a sense of calm that I fail to secure during busy times.

          Yet, it is unlikely that I will, or can, continue to spend my weeks ahead in this fashion. Old habits die hard; I still prefer busy days. But, for the past week, I am able to enjoy the stillness of everything and that’s nice too. In fact, it serves as a reminder that stillness is acceptable. It is okay if we take a break once in a while. Still, I think it is time for me to reboot. To get myself back on track, I have an assignment for myself, which I would like to extend to you as well. The assignment is to answer the following question: What is it truly that you desire?

So much love,
atypicalJaneDoe.

Lesson Learned: “Be sure you enjoy yourself wherever you are, even if others consider you are wasting your time; remember that time you enjoy wasting is not wasted time!”