Admitting Imperfections

"I am imperfection in the best form and I am not striving to be perfect but I am striving to be better"

-written by me in 2014

I started this post in 2014...it was tucked away in my draft folder. Frankly, I've started incubating the idea of this post from the get-go of creating this blog.

I want to show my imperfections...But nonetheless, I found it very difficult to do.

It is like I'm known for being positive amongst friends and kind souls-I'm a radiant sunshine and unicorns follow me wherever I go! (That's not true but I'll like to believe that's how my friends see me...haha) And for every negative thing I say or think, I spin it so that it has a profound reasoning or I argue myself against it. It's complete bullshit if you ask me!

I'm not trying to say that I'm fronting a positive life. I'm just angry at myself for not allowing myself to be angry, to be upset, to have negative thoughts. In that way, I always feel like a fraud...

But I don't want to be a fraud. So let the showcasing of imperfection begin! Let's rewrite my life where I don't gloss over my imperfections.

So much love,
atypicaljanedoe

2013, 2014, 2015...and counting...

It's been a long time! Hello there.

Looking at this blog, I find it humorous how there are a few posts yearly. Time to do my duty and create some 2015 posts. :)

Based on posts from my past self on this blog, it seems:

• 2013 was my "wake up call"
• 2014 was my "action year"

I'm curious about--what would that make 2015 for me? What are you suppose to do once you've woken up and taken actions?

Before I can answer my self-generated, never-ending list of questions (specifically the two questions above), I feel like I need to back-track...

I agree with my past self that 2013 was a wake up call. However, I disagree strongly that 2014 was my action year. In 2014, I definitely did act- but it wasn't directed, intentional actions. It would be wrong to call it an action year. Here's some backstory:

Essentially, for majority of my life, I lived inside a bubble. It was a beautiful, imperfect bubble where things are the way they are and I didn't have to give things much thought. Because I was protected and sheltered in my bubble, I didn't know of limitations and it allowed me to dream. I dreamed that life outside my bubble is as guaranteed as life inside my bubble. I didn't think about the details. 

My bubble eventually popped and I entered the world bubbleless. Things quickly didn't add up because I was so enveloped in my bubble-world that I didn't know how to function in a bubbleless world. That was when I woke up.

Unfortunately, people do not just wake up and jump into actions. There's a hazy moment. There's a panic moment. There's confusion. This is especially true when you wake up and you realized that you were one of the latter ones to wake up. You rush and you try to slap yourself together and fit in. That's what my 2014 was all about.

2014 was a year of playing "grown-up." It was a year of gathering data and doing things so I can come up with a plan. It was a year where I'm busy hustling and bustling to try to figure it all out and I don't know what to call it. 2015 sort of blends into that same pattern. But I didn't have to hustle and bustle outward as much. It's all inward work.

So, I'm still figuring life out. But I'm awake, I'm alert, and I'm ready for life.

Till next time!

So much love,
atypicaljanedoe