Growing Up

Some days are easier than others and today I'm having an off day. To be honest, my off days actually happens more frequently than I would like but it has become a lot better since the new year and I've been seeing things in more of a perspective. However, I'm a little bit frustrated today.

There's this reoccurring message that the universe seems to be throwing in my face: grow up. Let me clarify, I'm fully aware that I need to grow up and that I'm growing up and that I am a grown up. I am working on it. I am trying to figure out my life and I am really aware of this need to have my life become stable...to have a career. I consider myself an ambitious person and I know I have nothing to show for right now but I am conscious of it and working on discovering my path.

In 2013, all I did was stressed out about what I should be doing with my life and it took a lot to calm myself down and start fresh, to feel inspired and motivated again. I have so many failures under my belt that 2013 was a tipping point and it was difficult for me to recover. I HATED myself in 2013. And I am ashamed of myself for feeling that way but I felt like I was insignificant.

I don't want 2014 to be a repeat of me feeling incompetent. I don't know what I'm doing with my life still. I want too many things and I strive too high. The reality is I might fall flat on my face and I don't want that. I have no idea what I'm doing anymore. So hearing people (as good intention as they may be) remind me of my need to grow up does not do me any good. I am working on it.

But I did give myself a due date. I do have a game plan. I do have a time line. And I have made plans and back up plans. I am figuring out what I like and what I don't. I am taking chances and, most important, I am trying.

I am taking dance classes again. I am signed up for acting classes. I did take a kids yoga certification course and have a few more educational courses that I plan to take. I haven't figured out a way to combine all my interests and love into one career but I'm taking chances in everything. So my respond to growing up...yes, I do need to grow up...but people do it differently and not all process can be seen.

So much love,
atypicalJaneDoe.