The Trigger Point

I’ve recently realized I’ve gotten myself into a pretty crappy situation. I’ve always been very stupid and unaware of danger so this is not an uncommon occurrence. But this specific situation, or more accurately put-environment, has been tearing me down more so than I’ve ever experience. And, it is not providing me much insight either so ultimately, it’s complete crap.

Let me explain myself, I’m always up for a challenge. I’m up for some beat down if it leads to some new learned knowledge and profound findings of who I am. But…in this current situation, I see none of that. Truth be told, I can probably always learn something new and I do…but the toxicity of my current environment is overshadowing any benefit it might produce.

Simply, I’ve stupidly allowed myself to be dragged into a whirlwind of negativity. It has become such a beast to the point where every corner of my life seems to attract more toxicity and my usually high tolerance and patience for negative things has jumped out the window and said “I quit”. At this point, I honestly have to say “I can’t stand this shit anymore. I’m so done. Fuck you.”

I would like to believe the person who just said the above quotation is not the essence of who I am and because of that, it is frustrating. Negativity has so consumed my life. Hence, I want to address a few things, my angry vent:

1) I’m capable of many things and anything. We are all. Don’t drag me down just because you don’t believe in you and thus you don’t believe in me. I FUCKING CAN.

2) There doesn’t have to be a motive to every action. Desire is enough as long as you don’t hurt anyone. Intention matters and if you have bad intention—you suck.

3) Fuck with the He said, she said. I’m not in high school. I don’t care. I don’t want to be dragged into drama. I don’t want to play the blame game. Open, honest communication is key and if you can’t do that. I can’t deal with your shit.

This episode of mine has all been triggered because I was sick and then I was questioned. It’s petty but it’s the tipping point. I can be sick and post facebook pictures without having my integrity questioned. I refuse to not do something simply so I can fit a standard of what it means to be sick. If you are in an environment where you have to constantly question the motives and honesty of those around you, I suggest you get the fuck out because that’s not how life should be.

Here's a disclaimer note: To be honest, I think the people in my life are great. And though my above vent is a tad angry, I’m not trying to attack anyone. I’m just really upset at all the deceit, hypocrisy, and negative thoughts people have of one another. So yeah, ending vent.

atypicalJaneDoe

P.S. Not the Come-back Entry I wanted but it is important to be honest. This is step #1 to positive change. Step #2: Make the choice. Step #3: Follow through.