I’ve recently realized I’ve gotten myself into a pretty
crappy situation. I’ve always been very stupid and unaware of danger so this is
not an uncommon occurrence. But this specific situation, or more accurately
put-environment, has been tearing me down more so than I’ve ever experience.
And, it is not providing me much insight either so ultimately, it’s complete
crap.
Let me explain myself, I’m always up for a challenge. I’m up
for some beat down if it leads to some new learned knowledge and profound
findings of who I am. But…in this current situation, I see none of that. Truth
be told, I can probably always learn something new and I do…but the toxicity of
my current environment is overshadowing any benefit it might produce.
Simply, I’ve stupidly allowed myself to be dragged into a
whirlwind of negativity. It has become such a beast to the point where every
corner of my life seems to attract more toxicity and my usually high tolerance
and patience for negative things has jumped out the window and said “I quit”.
At this point, I honestly have to say “I can’t stand this shit anymore. I’m so
done. Fuck you.”
I would like to believe the person who just said the above
quotation is not the essence of who I am and because of that, it is frustrating.
Negativity has so consumed my life. Hence, I want to address a few things, my
angry vent:
1) I’m capable of many things and
anything. We are all. Don’t drag me down just because you don’t believe in you
and thus you don’t believe in me. I FUCKING CAN.
2) There doesn’t have to be a motive
to every action. Desire is enough as long as you don’t hurt anyone. Intention
matters and if you have bad intention—you suck.
3) Fuck with the He said, she said. I’m not in high school. I don’t care. I don’t
want to be dragged into drama. I don’t want to play the blame game. Open,
honest communication is key and if you can’t do that. I can’t deal with your
shit.
This episode of mine has all been triggered because I was
sick and then I was questioned. It’s petty but it’s the tipping point. I can be
sick and post facebook pictures without having my integrity questioned. I
refuse to not do something simply so I can fit a standard of what it means to
be sick. If you are in an environment where you have to constantly question the motives
and honesty of those around you, I suggest you get the fuck out because that’s
not how life should be.
Here's a disclaimer note: To be honest, I think the people in my life are great. And
though my above vent is a tad angry, I’m not trying to attack anyone. I’m just
really upset at all the deceit, hypocrisy, and negative thoughts people have of
one another. So yeah, ending vent.
atypicalJaneDoe
P.S. Not the Come-back Entry I wanted but it is important to be honest. This is step #1 to positive change. Step #2: Make the choice. Step #3: Follow through.
