Retelling of tale of the good dog and the bad dog

For the past year or so, it became abundantly clear that I needed to do something with what’s going on inside of myself. I have songs in my head, thoughts in my mind, emotions in my heart, and stories in my soul that was becoming stagnant inside of me.

On multiple occasions, I recalled having this knowingness that a quiet voice, deep within me, is screaming in its meek way, asking to be heard. It wasn’t until recently that I found the words to say it: I want to share my soul. So here I am.

I would like to share a classic parable of the tale of two wolves/dogs. For my own liking, I’ll use dogs instead of wolves in this retelling.

The story goes like this. Inside each and every one of us, there exist two dogs fighting for our attention within. There’s the good dog who represents kindness, compassion, love, and all good things. Then, there’s the bad dog who represents anger, jealousy, hate, and more hurtful things. They are constantly at war. And, what determines who wins is dependent on who we feed; who we give our attention to…

The lesson is to feed the good dog; think of good thoughts; and, be goodness all around. Like most parables, it created an extreme circumstance to prove a point. But, as I gained wisdom in my life, this parable really didn’t sit well with me. Though, I don’t want a war inside me, I don’t want to kill a part of me either.

My good dog has been well-fed and shown off to the world. You all know my good dog. I am kind, compassionate; I am filled with love, laughter, joy, and so much sweetness. I am all of the good characters that a person can embody. But the bad dog is part of me too…

Hurt; Fear; Insecurities; Arrogance; Moments of hate and jealousy. Distrust.

And I’ve been neglecting my bad dog, depriving it of any attention, starving it—perhaps trying to kill it. But that’s not okay.

In my story, I don’t want to feed one and starve the other. I want to show both that I care for both of them, that whatever their nature is, I wholeheartedly accept and embrace them, that I love them. And perhaps then, instead of having a constant battle of good dog vs bad dog…I can just have two dogs who are not pitted against each other because they know I love them both. I cherish both dogs.

And I think so often, people just encourage and embrace the positives that the negatives get repressed. And then, without attention, it fester into a different beast-because it has been holding onto the hurt and distrust for so long.

I am not a girl on a pedestal. I am not perfection. I am not trying to paint myself as a saint. I am a multi-layered whole person.

I’m not writing this for attention (This might be my bad dog talking, making judgments and assumptions of judgments and assumptions that others might have). Keep your “likes” for your needs.

I am writing and sharing because I need to share what my soul/my heart is bursting to share. I’m writing because someone might need to read this to relate, to understand. I’m writing because, right now, every cell in my body is saying I need to.

And, to filter and repress myself; to only show my strength and grace is to deny myself of what is real. The good and the bad.

I don’t intend to showcase every negative thought because that’s unnecessary. But I do plan to share what I feel is important to share: the good and the bad. My good dog has been really well-fed, but my poor bad dog has been abandoned by me. And, I’m trying to heal that relationship.